Roots

“How was it going home after three years?”, is a question I got asked a lot recently. It was eye-opening for me. Reflecting on my time at home I realized that in young adulthood, we are still trying to find our place in the world, and just like when we are kids, we look up to the people around us. We start to chase after role models. If they are individual people or role models defined by society is one and the same thing. We start to admire a potential future version of ourselves, and we see it in other people. It becomes important to be careful what role models we admire. Because what we admire will be what our actions aspire towards. What we admire is what we're going to chase. Consciously or unconsciously. The environment we put ourselves in and who we surround ourselves with has a huge impact on what we chase.
I've always admired for example my ‘dad’ and have seen him as an example of how to live a purposeful life. Yet because of COVID, I didn't see my family for a long time. In Australia, I found a home and the people who made me feel at home. I started to continue to grow in another country and as I grew, my goals and life visions evolved. Yet, it came to a point where I began to freefall like I lost touch with the deepest parts of myself. I thought I knew what was right for me and what I was after, but I could feel myself discover the dark side of my soul. I felt empty and was clinging to the enlightenment I thought I had found. It was at the time to reconnect with my roots. Getting closer to the place of my creation automatically infused me with energy. Arriving at home and reconnecting physically and energetically with my family and friends was pure joy. I understood on an experiential level what it means when you say:” If you feel enlightened. Go and spend a weekend with your parents... They know what buttons to press.” I didn’t have an easy past with my family but have created a loving presence with them. Reconnecting with them also meant reconnecting with old parts of me. Old visions and old identities. I could close old chapters and see others being closed for me by the natural stream of life. It became very clear to me what I was admiring and chasing over the past years. How my sense of self has developed and changed. The mirror I got to look at while being at home wasn't necessarily one I wanted to look at, but one I needed to look at. It was an important step into my authentic self. Getting the opportunity to bring people from my life in Australia and Germany together was an incredible feeling. It has taken a lot of the fear of not being myself and losing my identity living such distant lives.
I’m leaving with a full heart, clear head, and grounded soul. Understanding the importance of checking in with my roots often. Because as the tree grows it won't grow to its full size and beauty without deep roots that are continuously nourished and cared for.