Mirror of Emotions

Everything is easier when things are going well. Even writing in this journal. It's hard to pen down the aspects you don’t like to identify with and the things that cause inner disgust when you experience them. But if I never write difficulties down I would ignore nature's call to grow. In some situations in life, I see myself trying to change other people, situations, or experiences. Sometimes I catch myself disregarding them all along, consciously trying to live in ignorance. Yet, the more often I’m sitting with emotions about other people or situations I can see the intended path to self-knowledge. Most of my negative emotional reactions can be traced back to an inner disharmony of my own identity. All the things I'm trying to suppress, things I’m not willing to acknowledge, the ones that evoke anger inside of me, and the ones that I’m trying to stop with everything in my power I only do because, at a certain point in my life, I was conditioned to see these things as inappropriate. Yet I’m beginning to realize that I don't always just disguise these experiences or people. If I see certain personality traits or behavior patterns in others they might make me angry, but not because I truly hate them. It's more because I am fighting against this inner wish to fully integrate them into my conscious awareness. The things I love about others are the things I love about myself. The things I hate about others are the things I can't stand about myself. Life and nature demand me to look into a mirror every day, no matter how hard I’m trying to look. I can only see my own reflection. In the reflection I don’t receive what I want, it is only ever who I already am. The earlier I acknowledge this fact the earlier I can live in peace.